For those of you who think I’m talking about the end of the world, you’ve forgotten that I’m the self-centered one. Oh yeah…you say while nodding your head with a smirk on your face. What I write here is about me, and other people who annoy me.
So yes, the end is near. The project of my LIFE; the project of importance and difficulty; and the project tenaciously pressing me to ask “What the heck am I doing?” is entering the final stage. Rescuing Christina will soon be released into the wild. And I will have reached the end.
Liz, my blue haired developmental editor sent me her official memo yesterday, a day early. Gotta love Liz. Without giving anything away, she really likes the story. And I’m happy about that. That doesn’t mean it’s done, but the story is getting closer to beta reader ready.
This morning while sitting on the big couch in my sanctuary room that has the picture of Jesus pinned to the wall above the standing mirror (the picture that hung in some WWII bunker in France where my Uncle Julius was a Brigadier General under Patton), I told God I’m okay with not knowing what’s after the end. I also asked Him if He might want to commit to telling me at some point. Not now. Please not now. I’m way too busy with getting ready for the book launch. But at some point, especially if I’ve hit a wall of inactivity, maybe He could just whisper a few ideas into my spirit.
Before transitioning into full-time writing, there was always another win to be had in the market place, another systems project to deliver, another Mercedes to salivate over. Now there’s none of that…thankfully so I might add. For a writer the next frontier is of a different type. The tenacious question becomes “What do I write next?” Fiction? Political commentary? Nonfiction How-To? (blech), Self-help? (double blech). Spiritual life? Maybe. Philosophy? WWII?
Now don’t think I’m not focused. Oh contraire…I just like having the latitude to do what I‘m supposed to do while ignoring the opinions of others regarding what I should be doing. That doesn’t sound very good, does it? Let me put it this way. If I’m supposed to be doing something, God will tell me. He doesn’t need any helpers. I am no one’s project. Well, maybe just One.
Now, you smart people out there, you realize I’m talking to myself. The old me still longs to be somebody. So does the new me, and she is. Once in a while, the new me is forced to do battle with the old me, usually during a transition period where the old me detects an oncoming collision with an “end.”
Over the past three days, I’ve received a lot of random messages along a common theme from a variety of sources. And the message is this: “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
I’m thinking I could use this to make a plea for keeping our team small, just in case He’s thinking about recruiting an additional worker for our next assignment.